there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize