Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
