the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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