Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
