Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize