I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
