If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize