My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
