her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
