i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
