i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize