there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
