You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize