I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
