I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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