ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
