none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
