dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
