well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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