Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
