shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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