I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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