puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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