can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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