Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
