I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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