i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
