I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
