Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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