just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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