Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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