im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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