Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
