he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
