There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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