Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize