He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
