Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
