I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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