that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize