I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
