Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
