dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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