ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
