I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize