Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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