If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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