you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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