Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
