mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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