what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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