you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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