addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
