Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
