Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Alive.
So much puke
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
