we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
