So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
now i know why i became what i already was.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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