If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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