Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
