My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
