mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
