there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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