oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
