I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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