it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize