Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
