I wish my penis had an off switch
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
