Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
